I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
where am i from again
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
