Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
