o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
3pm strippers are depressing
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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