I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize