I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
