if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
