i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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