my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
