I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
