im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
