If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
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Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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