You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
