Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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