when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
