Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
