She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
