I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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