woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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