Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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