Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
