Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
