In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
