i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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