She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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