I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize