Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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