Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
