hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
