I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
