it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
