I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
