clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i've created a new STD.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
