She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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