My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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