I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
