I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
