it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
They took my balls.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
