no, he came in my armpit
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
