so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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