i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
