this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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