just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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