I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
