I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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