You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
