she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
