in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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