I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
