Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
