hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
