There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
