I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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