No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
