Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
