She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
