The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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