Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
