My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We had to coat check the pizza.
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I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
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Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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