I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
